dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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