I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
