Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
