We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
