You can't motorboat a personality
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
