my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
