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Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
