Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
