Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
