Welp...herpes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
