Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
