I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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