In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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