I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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