He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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