i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My dick has a subreddit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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