i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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