im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
