when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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