Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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