i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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