I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
