My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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