Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
