You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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