just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
