oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sober January is a disaster.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
