Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
