I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
pray to the hookup gods
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
