I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
