and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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