Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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