mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
