I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
