Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
