Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
