coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize