Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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