Me too!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize