Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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