Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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