Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
