I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
