Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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