i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
