Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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