i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
