I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
