Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this just has baby written all over it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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