grandma shit on top of the toilet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
