It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
