Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
