yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
