he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
