chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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