So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize