doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
