all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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