Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize