All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
