Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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