the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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