Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
