im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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