he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
