How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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