You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
