If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
