"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
