Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
