Is it because I queefed?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize