We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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