i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
