Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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