Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
