Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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