Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize