i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
