Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
