I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
