I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Another day, another engagement, another cat
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
