he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
