you traded sex for a burrito?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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