matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
