I wanna passion pit in your ass
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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