New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
being pregnant is like rehab
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
