My first STD was from a foam party
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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