I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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