i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
