Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I believe in your delicious
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
