I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
