She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
