Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
