he puts the penis in happiness.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize