i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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