Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
should my penis look like a turkey
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
