"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
