bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
