McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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