I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize