guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
