Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
