I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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