I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
