Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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