people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
